Onward and Upward

About a year ago, I started a blog. It was all about how fantastic being 32 was going to be and how I was going to be so phenomenally positive about this particular year in my life. At the time, I really felt it and meant it. But slowly, I allowed circumstances and my own attitude towards the people and events that surrounded me eat me alive. This year has been a dark, bitter year for me and as I approach my birthday in another week and a half, I am reflecting on my own responsibility in regards to my bitterness and unhappiness and I'm taking ownership of it for the first time. This past year and a half I lived through many drastic life changes; bankruptcy, foreclosure, my oldest child starting school and being thrust into the special education referral system, surprise pregnancy followed by horrific miscarriage, my grandmother falling and breaking her hip and having a rough recovery, my father being diagnosed with cancer, my grandmother being in a car accident and fracturing her sternum, and my husband working 80+ hours a week and being gone all of the time, leaving me, for the most part, a single mother.

I've moaned and complained and medicated myself to try to somehow tread through all of this piled up grief and stress, none of which has helped up to this point. I want to try to work to transform my way of thinking; to tear down the walls between myself and what I think my life should be and to allow myself the gift of positive thinking and to allow myself to positively affect the things around me.

This is what I wrote a year ago when I started that now dead blog:

32. I have a good feeling about it. This is where I am going to choose to come each day and share a beautiful or positive thought or image or quote as a part of my own personal choice to live a life more focused and centered on positive things. Here's to the beautiful things in life!

Now, I know every day won't be rainbows and sunshine. I know that. But I want to get back to believing in myself enough to take the time to calm, focus and free my mind to be accepting of the peace and beauty and love that surrounds me every day. Here's where I'm choosing to move onward and upward in hopes to reclaim my direction in life and to reignite my passion for writing.