Moment 4 Life

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a carnival fundraiser for a little girl at my daughter's school who is in need of a heart transplant. Watching this beautiful little 8 year old girl who is in pretty desperate need for a new heart smile as her friends surrounded her was so beautiful. There was a silent auction and this girl had drawn several pictures that they framed and auctioned off. The pictures were so beautiful and full of hope and joy. Really made me think of how often I complain or get irritated with my own children and how wasteful of time I can be. Reminded me, too, of twin boys I worked with at summer school several years ago who are living with a terminal disease that has brought them to the point where all they can do is communicate by blinking. They also have a younger brother who has the same disease/disorder. The parents of these boys have taken them to Disney World, take them camping, fishing, swimming, traveling, and the boys even played baseball with designated hitters for them and a person who pushed them in their wheelchairs so that they would be able to run the bases. I'm also reminded of Will Norton, the 18 year old who was sucked out of his SUV and killed on his way home from his high school graduation just weeks ago in Joplin, Missouri, and the faith, hope and courage his family has shown and the amazingly full life that Will was able to live in just 18 years. His sister's video is such a beautiful tribute to Will's life and hope that in his death he has touched so many lives is so amazing.
So how does thinking about terminal illnesses and loss of life in children make me work on my positive thinking? Well, as I was driving to town last night, and feel rather down about how unfair it is that these children have had their lives cut so short or have been so limited in what they are able to do because of their illnesses, a song came on that really just made it all click with me. A few lines from the song reminded me so much of the beauty int he joy of the laughter of the kids at the carnival last night and the smile on the boys' faces when we would sing certain songs in summer school and the Willdabeast videos on YouTube that Will Norton shared with the world:

Moment 4 Life by Nicki Minaj

"I fly with the stars in the skies,
I am no longer trying to survive,
I believe that life is a prize,
But to live doesn't mean you're alive. "

"In this very moment I'm king,
In this very moment I slay Goliath with a sling,
This very moment I bring
Put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring,
And I will retire with the crown, Yes!
No I'm not lucky I'm blessed, Yes!
Clap for the heavyweight champ, Me!
But I couldn't do it all alone, We!"

"But to live doesn't mean you're alive." Hit me in the gut. So very, very true. I would say most days I sit around and don't feel or act like I'm alive. Which is ridiculous. I'm not sick. I don't have a terminal disease. I have no excuse not to make the most out of each and every blessed day I am granted. Now I know this doesn't mean I have to go out and travel the seven continents and do crazy things, but I want to be more aware and present in each moment. Learn a little better to pick my battles with people and let go of anger and bitterness towards others. Appreciate the simple beauty in the coming together of people in my community to support a family in need, take time to sniff my daughters' hair and really absorb the radiance in their smiles, tell my husband thank you for all of the sacrifices he makes for our family and how much I appreciate him.

When that song came on last night, I rolled down the window and stuck my arm out the window and let myself "fly" like I used to when I was little. I let the air rush over me as the street lights reminded me of driving around with amazing friends when I was in high school and how very rarely I look back on that time with adoration and appreciation and I chose to love the moment and be thankful for ALL I have lived through and how it has shaped me. If I could have this moment 4 life, I would love the now and be comfortable with this being my legacy, my now, if this is all I ever had. Not that I will ever give up dreaming or hoping for other things or change, but I will be present in the now while having my hope and I will make my life be lived so I can be proud of my now and be happy with it and with who I am while I'm here. So beautiful is the life that's truly lived.